It's the first day after my regimen has ended and I feel good. I ate roasted sweet potato, a hardboiled egg, and some green peas for breakfast, got a work out in, came to school a few hours early and got my CIS homework done two hours before my Spanish class. Contrary to what I feared, I'm not scrambling to get to the nearest fast food restaurant (of which there are many around campus) and I'm actually contemplating the healthiest options I have. (But I might give in and try a new drink because I need a pick-me-upper.)
I heard a really great sermon two nights ago, when my church held an event. The pastor started out the sermon with, what you're doing now, you will be doing ten years from now. Force of habit, dispassionate living, all of that. And at first I didn't get it, or I thought he was wrong, but as he continued to speak, I understood what he meant. I get now why my parents wanted me to come to this pastor's church.
Every new day is an opportunity for change. And even if I'm still haunted by my mistakes, it doesn't mean that I haven't changed for the better. For instance, a few years ago, just getting behind the wheel to drive made my hands clammy, my legs numb, and my heart rate speed up. Just the thought of driving a car terrified me. Now, I don't care if it's rush hour time or not - now, driving even soothes me when there's no traffic, just the long stretch of an empty freeway ahead of me. I grew more careful with my driving (I don't touch 90mph now) but I don't let the idea cripple me either.
My mistakes then don't reflect who I am now, and what I have to offer. Later, when I get the chance, I think I'd like to try and write down a list of characteristics I would like to try and tackle, one day at a time. And among one of those traits is the definite tendency to blame myself for what I've done, allowing myself to get stuck in the past.
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