In a stunning turn of events, I have experienced what it truly means to feel God's love in the most literal sense this week.
2020 has been difficult for everyone. My life isn't as fraught as so many others' right now, but it's been filled with anxiety and stress ever since I took a position for privacy and compliance in another organization in September 23, 2019. I thought, at the time, that it was what I wanted in my career, that it was the direction I wanted to move in.
I now know that it was God's way of showing me it's not the case at all. The work is difficult with no help, no proper training, and working under someone who'd sooner blame me for every single thing than anything else has proven to be my breaking point. It'd been months of agonizing over the struggle of going jobless vs. sticking with a job that caused me so much mental turmoil when I reached out to someone I knew for advice. That person, angel that she is, let someone else know that I might be in need of a job and... that person reached out to be in mid-August out of nowhere just to ask if I was interested in a position that would be posted the following few days.
My answer was a resounding yes. The timing was too perfect. Hundreds of people probably ended up applying to that position so I was prepared to wait. I was prepared to be jobless. I was still job hunting even if my prospects were favorable. What else can I do when something seems to be too good to be true?
I hit my breaking point early September. I just knew I couldn't do it anymore. I made up my mind to quit on Wednesday, September 9th and decided to tell my director I was quitting during our one-on-one on September 11, that Friday.
Thursday, September 10th, I get a call for my interview.
Friday, September 11th, I tell my director I'm submitting my two week notice.
Friday night, I get an email requesting for my references. It takes a few days because of the weekend, but Tuesday morning, September 15th, my references are completed.
Later that day, I get a call. I have the job, the recruiter says, but he just needs to work out how much they'll pay me according to my experience. The formal offer will be given tomorrow, September 16th.
And I get it. I get the formal offer. I accept.
The craziest thing isn't that I have the job. The craziest thing is that this job became available when I needed it most, even though the individual who filled it previously passed away in June. The craziest thing is that that person was my friend, a damn good person, and it feels like he really, really watched over me in this journey.
To be given an escape when I need it, it's the stuff of Hollywood movies. And it's not just an escape; it's a better-paying, lower stress job. It's a miracle considering the pandemic has laid off so many people, that so many are hungrily hunting for jobs, for means of survival.
I have never thought once that I'm special in any way. If I did, I probably wouldn't have such a vivid imagination and fantasy life. But when I was struggling to love myself, when I was really, really down on myself and decided to finally take a way out to help myself, God literally reached down and answered my prayers.
It's been so long since I've questioned why I'm even here, why I'm kept alive like I have a purpose when I have no idea what that purpose is, and... I don't know. How can I question that when I've been given a gift like this?
Thank you, Chris. I'll never forget you. I'll never forget the kind of person you were, and fight to emulate it every day. I'll make you proud.
